I know someone who seeks to help those around her through suggestions—suggestions that are really criticisms:
o I’d never do that.
o That’s not the right way, my way’s better.
o You’re not any good at that, are you?
o Why don’t you do it like this? Your way will never work.
That’s merely a small idea of her helpful approach. Perhaps you know someone who does the same. Their intentions may be good—and we’ll give them that—but their approach just plain hurts. He/she may even say, “Don’t take this personally, but—“ and proceed to relate what you’ve done wrong or poorly or not quite right, in her eyes anyway.
Criticism doesn’t help and usually hurts, especially if it’s unwarranted. If you’ve done your best and tried hard it makes you feel lower than a worm in the weeds.
I’ve heard it said when someone criticizes you, first, you check to see if it applies—if so welcome it and make the adjustments. If it doesn’t apply, forget it. That’s easy to say and not so easy to do—because it hurts and chips away at our very soul.
We probably won’t change the criticizers of the world but we don’t have to join their ranks. Paul in Ephesians 4:15 says; “speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head”. I’ve found the best way to “speak the truth in love” happens best through encouragement. Encouraging someone lifts them up, gives them the courage to keep trying till they get it right or increases their self worth thus they will do better and better.
Encouragement isn’t lying to someone; it consists of finding the good part of what they’ve done and expressing your belief in them. They’ve done well and will do it again and maybe even better the next time. As an example, to a child who’s learning to make his bed, here’s the two ways:
Criticism—“Can’t you see the wrinkles on the bed? You’re not going outside to play until you straighten that bed properly and take care of the pillow the way I showed you. It’s a disgrace.”
Encouragement—“Wow! You did that all by yourself? Pretty good. Now all you have to do is straighten out those few wrinkles, put the pillow under the comforter and you can go outside to play.”
Encouragement works for any and every age group. It’s especially helpful for children who are trying to get their bearings in this world. For older folks who’ve been through the many difficulties life throws at them, it helps them forge onward and not lose heart.
I need to include a word about constructive criticism. Something we’ve all heard about and like to bandy about when we feel critical. Constructive criticism is best served only when asked for. And there are times when someone may want our advice or help. Most of us like to give advice—sometimes even when not asked for—but again, use encouragement. Encourage-ment never hurts and usually helps.
We are to: “Finally, brothers and sisters, rejoice! Strive for full restoration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you.” II Corinthians 13:11
