If You're Critical, Are You Constructive?

I know someone who seeks to help those around her through suggestions—suggestions that are really criticisms:

o   I’d never do that.

o   That’s not the right way, my way’s better.

o   You’re not any good at that, are you?

o   Why don’t you do it like this? Your way will never work.

That’s merely a small idea of her helpful approach. Perhaps you know someone who does the same. Their intentions may be good—and we’ll give them that—but their approach just plain hurts. He/she may even say, “Don’t take this personally, but—“ and proceed to relate what you’ve done wrong or poorly or not quite right, in her eyes anyway.

           

Criticism doesn’t help and usually hurts, especially if it’s unwarranted. If you’ve done your best and tried hard it makes you feel lower than a worm in the weeds.

I’ve heard it said when someone criticizes you, first, you check to see if it applies—if so welcome it and make the adjustments. If it doesn’t apply, forget it. That’s easy to say and not so easy to do—because it hurts and chips away at our very soul.

           

We probably won’t change the criticizers of the world but we don’t have to join their ranks. Paul in Ephesians 4:15 says; “speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head”. I’ve found the best way to “speak the truth in love”  happens best through encouragement. Encouraging someone lifts them up, gives them the courage to keep trying till they get it right or increases their self worth thus they will do better and better.

           

Encouragement isn’t lying to someone; it consists of finding the good part of what they’ve done and expressing your belief in them. They’ve done well and will do it again and maybe even better the next time. As an example, to a child who’s learning to make his bed, here’s the two ways:

            Criticism—“Can’t you see the wrinkles on the bed? You’re not going outside to play until you straighten that bed properly and take care of the pillow the way I showed you. It’s a disgrace.”

            Encouragement—“Wow! You did that all by yourself? Pretty good. Now all you have to do is straighten out those few wrinkles, put the pillow under the comforter and you can go outside to play.”

           

Encouragement works for any and every age group. It’s especially helpful for children who are trying to get their bearings in this world. For older folks who’ve been through the many difficulties life throws at them, it helps them forge onward and not lose heart.

           

I need to include a word about constructive criticism.  Something we’ve all heard about and like to bandy about when we feel critical. Constructive criticism is best served only when asked for. And there are times when someone may want our advice or help. Most of us like to give advice—sometimes even when not asked for—but again, use encouragement. Encourage-ment never hurts and usually helps.

           

We are to: “Finally, brothers and sisters, rejoice! Strive for full restoration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you.” II Corinthians 13:11

WHAT IT’S LIKE TO GROW OLDER

When I was 40 to 45 I felt like I was 21. I’m sure that sounds strange and it’s hard to describe exactly what that means but I’ll try. I’m sure I had more knowledge and perhaps more wisdom but my mind, soul and spirit felt 21: smart, hip, cool, sassy, alert and ready to take on the world.

I reached age 55—and imagine, I still felt like I was 21. Same thing, just one difference. My body started telling me it didn’t feel 21. A few aches and pains surfaced but I chose to ignore them and told my body I was 21.

Now, I’ve reached an older age and I still feel like I’m 21 in my mind, soul and spirit. My body, on the other hand is shouting through my aches and pains that I’m an old lady who feels stiff and sore in the morning—well, even after sitting for a little while. Trust me, I don’t like confessing this to anyone, but it is all true. Alas, I’m a young person trapped in an old body that won’t stay young.

After giving this some thought, I’ve reached the conclusion that there are measures a person can take to keep one’s body a little more agile and supple—but not many. I believe its God’s plan that as we age our body deteriorates through use and the environmental assaults that surround us. This helps to make way for those who are young, perhaps even 21, to step in and help us get around, help us conquer our difficulties and eventually take over our tasks in this old world. Believe me, it helps our prayer life, too, because we despair that the young people are up to the task.

But we truly did the best we could with what we had and so have to turn over the running of life to the young hoping with all we’ve got that they do a better job than we did and despairing that they won’t because we raised them. But, in the nick of time, God releases us from our earthly ties and we soar to worlds unknown leaving the mess behind.

If you are young, please, please, look to God for the answers and do the best you can with what you’ve been given and pray, pray, pray. I’ll be waiting for you to join me someday.